Winter is awards season, what with the Oscars and Golden Globes and all that. The Carve awards aren’t quite on that scale. So we don’t need to bust out the tuxedos and frocks. It’s our tongue in cheek round up of a wild year. So. Enjoy 2015 through our distorted lens. (Originally published in Carve issue 166 in December 2015, which went to print mid-way through the Pipe comp).
MAN OF THE YEAR*
Mick Fanning
There’s not a great surprise here. The king of surfing for 2015 is Mick Fanning. He’s transcended our niche to become a global name in the mainstream and, at time of writing, is going into the last event of the season number one on the tour with another world title his to lose. To do so on the back half of a tour post shark is all the more impressive. Mick we salute you, bloody good bloke, amazing surfer, total professional. Here’s to another title.
*AND TWEAKIEST SPHINCTER
WOMAN OF THE YEAR
Carissa Moore
In the convoluted world of women’s surfing where showing your booty leads to more sponsors and Instagram followers than being an amazing surfer Carissa Moore is a rare beacon. She surfs better than a good chunk of the men and lets her surfing do the talking. Like Mick she’s killed it this year and is looking like nailing another title.
MEDIA SLUT
That Fricking Shark
It’s amazing that in all the years the world tour has been going there’s not been a shark attack. Sure there’s been plenty of sightings and the odd watery evacuation scare but never contact. For it to happen live in one of the biggest events of the year to one of highest profile surfers is mind blowing. If you were watching the J-Bay webcast live as we were you’ll know the horror and sinking feeling everyone felt as Mick disappeared. As to whether it was an attack most agree it was a tangle slash bumps as opposed to an actual intentional attack. If that were the case it probably wouldn’t have had the happy ending and mass press coverage as ‘surfer punches shark’ is absolute gold. Whilst it might have dented the shark’s pride it didn’t hurt Mick’s career.
FUNNIEST INTERNET REACTION
Shark Memes
Where there’s a unique news story the internet obliges with taking the piss shortly after. The shark memes went crazy.
WINNINGEST SURFER
Luke Dillon
Lucked into the swell and session of the year at Nias and has gone on to win the UK Pro Surf Tour. So as 2015 goes not a bad one for young Luke. His trajectory keeps on soaring.
SWEETEST BROMANCE
Gearoid McDaid & Angus Scotney
The big Fourth Surfboards trip to the Mentawai was one of the highlights of the magazine season. It was a blast for all concerned but one of the things that might not have come across is the tender bromance between trip groms Angus and Gearoid. They’re were brothers from another mother for the duration. Lovely to see.
MOST SHOUTED AT ONLINE
Robbie Maddison
Whilst it was a well conceived, brilliantly filmed and perfectly executed slice of marketing, that garnered a zillion views, a lot of folk got the wrong end of the stick of the ‘riding a motorbike at Teahupo’o’ thing. Lost count of the online warriors decrying motorbikes as surfing equipment. As if that will ever be a thing. Those self same people don’t shout about jet skis either. Which is odd. Anyway. It was a stunt that caught the mainstream attention.
BEST USE OF FIRE
Jamie O’Brien
Teahupo’o has whored itself repeatedly this year if it wasn’t Point Break 2 filming it was JOB pushing the envelope of webisodes by setting fire to himself and surfing a sick tube.
In the morass of online content the crazier the better it seems and it went down a storm.
TRIPPER OF THE YEAR
Taz Knight
The North Devon youngster’s epic solo journey from California to Mexico via huge Mavericks, Todos and Puerto is still, six months later, incredibly impressive. Budge up Cotty and Tom there’s new big wave hero coming to join the gang.
BEST BRITISH WOMAN
Peony Knight
Not content with Taz hogging the limelight Peony won pretty much everything in 2015 also. Not sure what’s in the water up there in Devon but it’s working.
ABOUT TO MAKE EVERY SURF FILM LOOK POOP
John John Florence
JJF is a man of superlatives. He doesn’t do things by half. So his new profile movie View From A Blue Moon is the first 4K surf movie and seeing as it’s been produced by the Brain Farm crew (them that did Art of Flight) will blow the doors clean off the whole idea of surf moving imagery from here on out. It comes out the day we send the mag to the printers, and they neglected to premiere it in the UK, so we’ve not seen it yet… (UPDATE: now we have and the verdict? Incredible production values, some phenomenal surfing but somehow left us wanting more.)
BEST RUN OF SWELL
April
Been a weird one for swell world wide this year. Autumn’s not really been all that. Thankfully we had an epic run in April. Three weeks of perfectly clean, warm, right size west coast goodness. All that teamed with some of the best sand bars your correspondent has seen. ‘Like Trestles’ was a common quip. Fingers crossed winter delivers.
SMALL PERSON OF THE YEAR
Stan Norman
Wins everything. Froths hard. Surfs amazing. Little Stan continues his ascendancy and best of all there’s a big crew of mini-groms around him all coming through at the same time.
FEEL GOOD FROTHER
Oli Adams
From being seriously ill for a lot of his adult life Oli braved surgery and is now free from Crohns and is like a new man. Full of beans, even more of an exploratory frother and surfing better than ever. Which explains why you see him in the mag so much.
SQWEEEE! CUDDLE EXPLOSION AWARD
That fricking seal.
Stuff Kim K it was the seal getting a tummy tickle from a scuba diver in the Scilly Isles that melted the internet this year.
IRONY AWARD
SW Water and Dave Cameron
Yes. The leader of the UK who fronts the party that thought selling off the public utilities would be a good idea got to bodyboard in poop from the dated infrastructure that SW Water refuse to even consider updating.
IT ACTUALLY FLIPPING HAPPENED
Surf Snowdonia
The first public WaveGarden in the world finally opened to great fanfare in North Wales hurrah!
OH BAWBAGS
Surf Snowdonia
And then promptly broke. Fingers crossed it all gets sorted over the winter.
MOST HYPED WEATHER PHENOMENON
El Nino
The little boy is now being called the strongest event ever. Surpassing even the mega one of 1997. As to whether there will be another 100-foot Outside Logs Cabin session as the North Shore tries to not get washed away remains to be seen. The effects on global weather have been marked with the ‘biggest’ ‘strongest’ ‘latest’ storms and typhoons happening with alarming regularity all over the globe and sometimes in places where such things aren’t even a thing. Like the typhoon off of Oman recently.
SWELL OF THE YEAR
Indian Ocean mega event
It was the defining swell of the year with the Right in WA, Nias and Kandui all delivering the images that blew our socks clean off in 2015.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Jamie XX: In Colour
If you don’t have this in your iTunes then you might want to check it out. One of the albums of pure invention that gets better with every listen. Also getting a lot of plays in 2015: Grimes, Foals, Courtney Barnett, Spring King, TVAM, Sunset Sons, PSB, Churches and Blur.
Some things in life are easy to organise, others, generally those related to surfing massive waves, take a bit more effort.
Enter stage left Dave Zaple. A genial south coast chap who’s a ninja grade paramedic by trade.
He entered a Sharp’s Brewery competition earlier in the year to hang out with Andrew Cotton. He was one of six that got to surf, chill and muck about on a jet ski with Devon’s very own big wave hero in Croyde.
From this crew one lucky soul got to go a step further. Well, a pretty big step, one that involved an adventure to Portugal.
So when Dave got the call, in Ikea’s restaurant of all places, and yes he was chowing meatballs, asking if he was free to go to Portugal to meet up with Cotty and see him surf big Nazaré there was only one answer. It was of course: yes. Even though the kicker was we were flying the very next day.
As with any big wave session calling these things on is tricky. Cotty assured us it would be whomping so we were going. Luckily Dave could swing the days off from saving lives and us here at Carve were roped in to go shoot his whole experience.
Not a bad prize that, an all expenses jaunt to a nice hotel in Nazaré and a trip to the inner sanctum of the G-Mac/Cotty operation. That being the warehouse unit in the harbour where all the endless preparation and work goes in to making sure the skis, boards and gear is all good to go when taking on one of the world’s sketchiest and most dangerous beach breaks.
From there it was on to the famous headland and its fort/lighthouse for a guided tour of how the spot works and what it’s really like when it’s fifty foot.
Then after a regulation pastel de nata and coffee break Dave got to see the crew take on Naz’. Not at it’s behemoth size, but just regular massive, where it breaks hollower.
Suffice to say he was impressed…
What do you think of the whole deal?
The place is crazy. You wait for the swell and the wind and then the fog comes in. When the fog clears it’s so impressive. It’s just unbelievable. There’s a weird energy to the place. Everyone is just hyped to watch.
Have you seen bigger waves?
No. Never and I doubt I ever will to be honest.
Any idea why Cotty and friends do such things?
Yeah. It’s the thrill. The end goal: to ride the biggest waves in the world. It’s nice to know from chatting to him earlier that he gets scared to, it’s not just sheer craziness, there’s a logic to it.
Fancy going over the falls on a Nazaré wave?
Nooooooo. No thank you. Very kind of you to offer. Cotty just went over on one and he was down for ages. Even with the vest on. It was a relief to see him come up.
Would come back?
Definitely. It’s a beautiful place. Be good to explore more and bring the other half.
Where were you when you got the call?
I was in Ikea! Literally shopping for soft furnishings and Sharp’s asked if I wanted to go to Portugal the next day! So here I am biggest waves in the world and the surfers with largest cojones.
If there’s one word in surfing that epitomises our collective idea of perfection it’s: Mentawai. The mythic Indonesian island chain home to flawless reefs, glassy walls and a deep seated spot in surf lore. It’s a chain where the dream of surfing unspoilt, uncrowded, tropical perfection really came to life. Twenty years on since those early Martin Daly trips alerted the world to the motherlode how is the remote Mentawai chain strung west of Sumatra dealing with the modern world? Has the rise of the land camp turned it into a Kuta waiting to happen? Are the locals getting a look at the western dollars yet? We took a crew for a mission to see how the land lies.
Once upon a time the way to do the Ment’s was by charter boat. They were the only option. As overland travel, then as now, is extremely arduous bordering on dangerous. Heavy duty malaria was rife, inter-island transport was by dugout canoe prone to swamping and if you did machete your way through the dense jungle to find your slice of perfection there was nowhere to stay or purchase supplies. Heaven help if you hurt yourself and needed medical attention. Suffice to say if you made it to HTs etc under your own steam last century then you officially get a Surf Explorers Platinum Mad Dog Medal. The boats were the sensible option. Get a bunch of mates together and spend a few weeks searching the chain for barreling joy. This was good for the boat owners, generally western, and good for the government officials from the mainland who sold ‘permits’. Not so good for the islanders who might get to sell a carving or two to passing boat trade.
Last time I visited nine years ago this was the status quo. You trucked about on your vessel and whenever you scored empty surf you crossed your fingers no other boat, especially one of pros, turned up. Of course good captains knew where was best and often you’d have three boats at one spot with twenty pros squabbling for limited sets to get their clips and shots. There’s no more heart sinking feeling than being faced with perfect Macaronis, pre-surf camp, and having it to yourself and seeing the Indies Trader IV, with helicopter on the roof, steam over the horizon. Knowing full well that a corpo team were frothing inside and ready to surf and shoot and steamroll the hell over whatever your little Brit crew were hoping to achieve. Even worse if you were just there on a very expensive holiday. At the time land camps weren’t really a thing.
These days the Ments aren’t the pro cadres personal island chain. It’s not the default for video sections it once was. Mainly because it got done to absolute death and also because us normal folk have twigged that it’s achievable and the waves are mainly doable for the intermediate competent surfer. The pros have moved on to the deeper reaches of the outer islands for their clips and the Ments are now a public playground. Which is where we come in… I’ve never done it land camp style. Always been slightly suspicious of the idea so it was high time to see if a new kind of surf tourism was happening or whether it was still westerners running western operations while the locals looked on nonplussed like with the boats…
***
The guys at Fourth surfboards fancied a post-summer mission to cleanse off the foam dust and fired out an email to the team to see if anyone bit. Simple concept: Mentawais, staying at a rad little land camp in the wave rich Playgrounds end of the chain, go surf, shoot and have a blast. Harty and Luke weren’t expecting near as dammit the whole team, only Hazza Timson and Lowey had other plans, to say yes. Which is how the business end of Luke Hart, Ben Jones and Lee Bartlett ended up herding cats. With Tom Butler, Mitch Corbett, Corinne Evans, Emily Williams, Tassy Swallow, Adam Griffiths, Alan Stokes, Angus Scotney, Gearoid McDaid, Oli Adams, filmer Mr B and myself to somehow fit on obliging planes and boats.
Turns out the camp wasn’t even big enough. Luckily the guys at Matungou had been planning some new bungalows anyway so they got carpentering as we all decided which boardies and bikinis to take. Making the trip easier Buts and Bearman headed over early so that made the utterly apocalyptic luggage sitch a tad better.
Due date came and Emirates airlines effortlessly whisked our awkward cargo away with a smile and we were away. Now getting to Bali is easy. Maybe one stopover if you’re unlucky. Getting to the Mentawais is a bigger ask. We did Dubai/Kuala Lumpur. Night there. Then Air Asia to Padang. Air Asia is in essence the SE Asia version of Ryanair. Except they’re much nicer about boards. Again we got faultless service from a check in lady whose morning we ruined. Easy part done getting from the frankly grim city of Padang on Sumatra out to the island chain involves a boat. There’s a big ferry or smaller, faster boats. We had a small, fast vomit-comet. Those four hours were some of the worst of my travelling life. It was about as fun as having your nipples sanded off. Being on the edge of puking while bouncing around in a sweaty cabin for four hours was not an ideal end to what had been a breezy trip until that point. Still. You don’t get to the edges of the Earth easily. We’ll all look back on it as character building one day. It made a 36 hour bus ride in Chile with food poisoning seem like a fun idea.
Thankfully Matungou is an oasis of calm. Traditionally crafted wooden buildings nestled on the edge of a serene palm lined bay. It was a very welcome sight after two days travel. We were soon welcomed by Dr Ollie, a very affable gent from Lyme Regis, and Adri a local islander who have set up the camp in partnership with the main aim of doing it right. So all the staff are local. The food is traditional, the boats are local style, in essence big outrigger canoes built up a bit into whip fast speedboats. We were soon right at home in hammocks drinking coconut juice from freshly hacked coconuts. There’s nothing quite like the decompress of long haul travel into a stunning tropical location. All the stresses evaporate. We arrived at lunchtime and after a quick nasi goreng we were digging through bags to get on it as the evening session was on. Tom B and Bearman had been there a week already and were frothing that a certain left would be cooking… And it was.
From there on the next ten days were a blur of boats, surf checks, sessions, rice, chili, beaches, coconuts, Bintangs, laughs, snoozes, shaman and good times. Groundhog day in the nicest possible way: Up early with a weapon’s grade coffee or three in the half light of dawn. Talking story with the early risers like Oli and Stoker while marvelling at Mitch’s commitment to the dawn yoga session. All while knowing full well the grom bungalow of Angus, Gearoid, Tass and Emily wouldn’t surface until they could smell breakfast. Various crew would stumble through yawning until sunrise, breakfast and more coffee got us ready for the early sesh.
Figuring out where to go is key in the Mentawais and the land camps, at least those near Playgrounds and Siberut island, have a huge advantage over the charter boats. Speedboats mean being able to check heaps of spots fast. If it’s not on or it’s busy and there are other options you can just open up the outboards and blaze on. In a charter boat you’re stuck at walking speed crawling to another spot at snails pace; unless you’re towing a speedboat also. So once you know the swell size and wind you can shortlist the go to spots and get on it. Matungou has two boats so we often split up to not overcrowd anyone spot.
As for the crowds? Much has been made of the Ments being ‘over’ mainly by pros and photographers who’ve grown far to used to it being their personal studio. We had waves to ourselves and we surfed with other crew. At no point was it 140 dudes like at Uluwatu. Which was how many guys were there pretty much a year or so after it broke to the world in the seventies and have been ever since. The busiest any spot got was about twenty guys, which as long as everyone’s playing ball is fine. Of course some people don’t. Older crew and some more competitive cultures see the polite British trait of queuing and waiting one’s turn as a reason to paddle past and be a dick. These folk you can only explain that taking turns is the adult way of doing things. Or flick them the vees behind their backs.
Boat versus camps also means you are stuck in one zone at a camp. On a good boat you can roam from Thunders up to Maccas then HTs then Playgrounds. Camp wise you’re limited to one of those four zones. Pros and cons all round but with a strong wind blowing for weeks of this season being on a boat hasn’t been a barrel of laughs.
***
As crews go we couldn’t have asked for better. In no particular order:
Tom Butler: Big wave sensei who prowled the line-up on bigger days with a calm confidence. Anything under twenty foot is just fun to him now so his game in hairy barrels was on point. Nailed a crazy sequence the first afternoon when all I wanted to do was curl up in a hammock.
Adam Griffiths: First time I’ve seen a longboarder in the Ments and boy did Bearman kill it. Total grace, flow and otherworldly reading of waves mixed up with big turns and deep tubes. Plenty of toes on the nose time.
Alan Stokes: It’s been nine years since we hit the islands together and not much as changed. Still the eternal grommet frothing to surf and loving every minute. Cursed with some brutal luck in some of the left barrels that resolutely refused to barrel for him.
Emily Williams: Welsh grom with a big future, christened ‘Sheggings’ after her fair Welsh skin got a bit burnt and she surfed in leggings. Will never hear the end of it. One to watch in the future.
Mitch Corbett: Recovering from a broken back and cruising. Mitch is a proper Zen master now. Certain of his place in the world and how he wants to live as balanced as possibly in all ways. A pleasure to be around.
Corinne Evans: Newquay’s busiest girl surfer. Fingers in many pies promoting women’s surfing. Sunny, radiant, frothing with a smile that could kickstart the sun.
Gearoid McDaid: Ireland’s biggest hope for the big leagues since I’ve been documenting surfing. Actually said, after one too many rice/noodle concoctions, ‘Can’t we just have a big plate of potatoes?’ Funny thing was next day we did… Along with Angus were the comedy double act of the trip.
Tassy Swallow: I’ve known Tass since forever and it’s always a pleasure hanging out with St Ives finest. Had a good dig at some of the heavier spots and owns a mean hack.
Oli Adams: A man reborn. Since his operation back in the spring Oli is a new human. On a constant upward arc in his performance and wondering where it can take him. The difference between this and our snow trip earlier in the year, which was post-op, is huge.
Angus Scotney: Mangoose is a big unit. But an affable, laconic, wise-cracking, smart ass. In a good way. He’s like Jordy in that you wonder how such a big kid can surf so loose and fast.
***
We didn’t score all time Mentawais. But as you can see even fair to middling is still hellishly good fun. It’s been an odd season, the theory being El Nino related, as there’s been heaps of typhoons north of Indo so sucking in a constant south wind as opposed to the normal slack winds and glassy conditions. Lucky for us the lion’s share of waves near the camp were offshore in southerlies.
As to the Ments being over? Far from it. This is my third trip out there and it’s still as magical as it was before. In fact I think I liked it more this time. My suspicions about land camps, based on a very small sample admittedly, have been proved wrong. Working in partnership with the locals improving their lot in life and helping out where possible, especially in Dr Ollie’s case dishing out medical care to all and sundry, is how things should be. Matungou is doing it right. Building rooms and boats using traditional techniques, serving local food, hanging with the local crew and them benefitting directly from you being there is how it should be. Everyone wins. Ask anyone that was there it was a wonderful experience. To visit the edge of the world and not be in the bubble of a boat is the future.
This article originally appeared in print in Carve issue 165
***
BIG THANKS TO: Luke Hart, Ben Jones and Lee Bartlett at Fourth Surfboards (www.fourthsurfboards.com) for organising and shepherding the whole deal, Dr Ollie, Adri and the crew at Matungou (www.matungou.com) for an awesome stay and perfect experience and lastly Anthony ‘Mr B’ Butler (www.mrbproductions.co.uk) for swimming more than any human should and nailing the moving images for the associated film, that and being a pleasure to share a room with.
If you’ve been hiding in a survivalist cave, or something similar, chewing on Oreos and waiting for the world to end you might not know it’s 2016. Well. It is. Another year means another go round on the world tour and it’s looking like this:
2016 Men’s Samsung Galaxy Championship Tour
QUIKSILVER PRO GOLD COAST- March 10-21
RIP CURL PRO BELLS BEACH- March 24 – April 5
DRUG AWARE MARGARET RIVER PRO- April 8-19
RIO PRO- May 10-21
FIJI PRO- June 5-17
J-BAY OPEN- July 6-17
BILLABONG PRO TEAHUPOO- August 19-30
HURLEY PRO TRESTLES- September 7-18
QUIKSILVER PRO FRANCE- October 4-15
MOCHE RIP CURL PRO PORTUGAL- October 18-29
BILLABONG PIPE MASTERS- December 8-20
So not much change. No new events and thanks to the vote of the pros J-Bay keeps its welcome slot on tour, men in grey suits be damned.
Not having a headline sponsor for Rio/Fiji/J-Bay must be a concern for the bean counters but these deals have time to be fleshed out.
We’d like to see an Indonesian event. A welcome return to G-Land, the scene of some of the best contests the ASP (as it was known) ever done did would be epic. The Ulus/Padang Search event and the Keramas shindigs have proved their worth in delivering awe inspiring surfing and in these visual times much needed viral content. Indo is the surfer’s dream. It doesn’t seem right it’s not got a slot. Hell, you could even do a mobile event in the Mentawais. Fiji proves island based events are doable and bringing the WSL behemoth to the Ments would do wonders for the economy and infrastructure
Be nice to see the Canaries, Chile, Japan … hell Ireland would be an incredible addition. Unlikely as that ever is to happen. The Search events did add some much needed spice location wise. Hopefully the commentary team can remember that ‘spicey’ is a word to be used liberally when it comes to food, not surfing, in 2016.
People wise the newbs on tour getting ready to try and avoid getting their heads flushed down the portaloos at the first event on tour by the big kids are: Caio Ibelli (BRA)
Jack Freestone (AUS)
Kanoa Igarashi (USA)
Alex Ribeiro (BRA)
Conner Coffin (USA)
Davey Cathels (AUS)
Ryan Callinan (AUS)
The WSL injury wildcards mean a welcome return for Jordy Smith to the fold and Matt Banting gets a proper shot at things. Owen Wright is looking doubtful with doctors calling for him to take a six month break to properly recover from his Pipe smashing and we’re not sure when Bede will be fit. So Dusty Payne and Dane Reynolds could well get a start on the Gold Coast. Next in line depending on retirements and injuries between now and March are Vasco Ribeiro and Aritz Aranburu so some welcome European crew potentially in the mix.
Let’s hope the waves come to the party in 2016 and everyone can try and not break themselves quite so much… In closing could this be Slater’s swan song? Will he hold an event at his personal wave pool paradise? We’ll see as the year unfolds…
If you’ve spent any time in Thurso when it’s on you’ll have no doubt come across the genial gent that is Chris Clarke. He’s out at Thurso when it’s big, mean and cooking and until recently at the more surreptitious heavy spots by himself … Not any more.
I bumped into him on a remote cliff path as he was running back to his van to get his beaten up slab board, a dinged, noseless, wreck of a beast that has taken it’s fair share of lickings. Turns out he’s not allowed to surf the slabs by himself anymore by her indoors, and as some boogers had just ventured out he was switching reefs from a mellower one for the near dry death-box that was the author of his demise. The slab ban is for good reason, he’s now sporting a pirate worthy scar on his cheek that adds to his roguish charm. As shown below.
If you want to see what it looked like when fresh, and I repeat, it’s not for those who don’t like the sight of gore or consider themselves squeamish, then scroll to the bottom of the post…
Simple question: what the hell happened?
Well, I was in the water it was fairly chunky and I had just pulled off a wave and had taken my time getting back on my board to paddle back out. So I wasn’t quite ready for the impact of the next set wave. I was just a bit relaxed about the whole thing to be fair and lost my board in the white water.
Then at some point in the rough and tumble me and the board apparently were travelling in opposite directions quite fast. Still not sure which bit got me, but it was a glancing blow, so maybe fins or nose. I could see blood clouding the water before even coming up for the first time … so I knew it was a proper cut.
At that point I was starting to worry that I had taken my eye out but did a quick vision check and could see the shore. I didn’t do the usual paddle back out and ask, ‘Are there any flappy bits?’
I just bolted for the car park where Hamper and Micah were about to get changed and asked the obvious question:
‘So who’s taking me to hospital?’
Hamper’s face was a picture. He went a bit white as he jumped in the driver’s seat and Micah held the towel on to staunch the flow. It was pretty funny as it turns out Hamps doesn’t like blood so much. So the boys took me off to Thurso hospital, they did not want anything to do with it, so they kindly gave me an ambulance ride over to Wick hospital for a few hours until they decided they would not do it either. So I was away down the road for two hours to the glittering metropolis that is Inverness.
Once there an ace doctor, she was actually a dental surgeon, was expecting to have to knock me out and I’d have to stay in over night. In the end it was pretty simple.
She asked, ‘How squeamish are you?’
I said, ‘Not so much.’
So she just got on with cleaning it, picking all the fibreglass bits out and stitching it all back together. Dental surgeons have the best stitching skills it turns out. I got the nurse to take the open wound photo because she said you could see the top of my cheek bone which shows how close it was to my eye. The doctor got it all stitched back up super quick, 15 of the blighters, and I even managed to blag a lift back up the road with the ambulance that took me down there!
How did the good lady take it?
I rang the wife, who was only home three weeks after having our daughter, from the ambulance to tell her I was off to get some stitches and probably was not going to be home that night and that it was not that bad so don’t worry … But then Neil rang her in a panic to try and find out what happened having heard rumours of carnage, then Hamper came round to see her to prep her for the worst I think … ha ha! He showed her a photo of the gash at which point she rang me kind of sarcastically saying, ‘Only a small cut eh? you bloody idiot. Oh well at least you don’t rely on your looks for your livelihood,’ thankfully Helen is not one for freaking out and as a horse rider herself knows that everybody pays their dues from time to time.
Lessons learnt?
A couple of things I have taken from this are not to surf by myself anymore … and to hang on to my board like I mean it. I would also point out that although this was my own board people need to remember their own board when in the line up. Already this year there have been a number of incidents of tourists being in the wrong place inside at Thurso and a few board to body collisions. It doesn’t take a whole lot to do some proper damage so hang on to your boards and get out the way if someone is on a wave and don’t ditch just paddle for the white water man up and take it. So if someone gets mad because you’re floundering on the inside maybe it’s because they’re a bit scared of what can happen.
First featured as Clarkey Capped (a rather obscure Brasseye ref) in Carve issue 166.
Lee Bartlett has been a fixture in British surfing for the last couple of decades. Whether it was winning more trophies than a standard mantlepiece can hold or shaping cutting edge shred sticks he’s one of the stars in our firmament. Last year wasn’t too kind to him but it came good. Read on to find out more.
At any point when the trip was being planned was there any rumblings of ‘one of us needs to stay behind?’
Haha. Yes there was. It was kind of the elephant in the room. We still had a factory to run, orders to take. At one point there was all most 18 of us keen for the trip but Tom Lowe and Harry Timson couldn’t make it and Celine had an op on her shoulder. Luke, Ben and I all took turns saying we would stay behind but the other two would come up with reasons why the third should be there. It was a bit of a love in.
What with one thing and another you weren’t 100% surf fit last year, was a Mentawai trip the perfect rehab?
It was a goal for me to reach. I got ill in March with a thing called brachial neuritis which is an infection that attacks the brachial nerve in the shoulders. Basically I had limited control of what my arms did. No strength and constant pain. I was on 16 painkillers a day and lost a stone in weight. I needed something to aim at and the trip was my target. I booked it even when I was still ill. I was allowed to surf in June and my first surf was a massive shock. I grabbed my girlfriends 7’6” mini-mal. It took me about five attempts to catch a wave and then when I finally caught one and went to stand up, I basically did a forward roll off the nose of the board. I went home gutted and tried to do a push up, I couldn’t do one! I thought about giving up surfing every time I went in for about six weeks. slowly I got a bit better and my confidence started coming back. Once in the Mentawai I was happy to surf anything. Not sure if I was ready for 8ft E-Bay but looked forward to surfing fun warm waves.
As a, and I word this with the utmost respect, ‘older surfer’ now, is there a limit to surfing? You, Kelly and co still killing it in your forties.
Getting older’s a strange thing. I personally don’t think you get any worse at surfing. Kelly and Tom Curren are amazing! Tom’s in his fifties now but I saw a vid of him surfing a skim board without fins last week and he’s killing it. Kelly had a bad year and still finished top 10. I like to think I surf as good, if not better than when I was in my twenties. I may not be as strong or quick but maybe a couple of bumps have been ironed out in my surfing. Like I said, you don’t get any worse, you just don’t improve as quick.
What’s more helpful when it comes to tweaking designs: surfing yourself or watching the team?
For me it’s 50/50. I’m blessed to still be able to surf and also shape boards for some of the best surfers in the country. Its very gratifying when you come up with a design like the Shank, that works for you but then other guys surf it and love it too. Gearoid, one of our Irish rippers, surfs very similar boards to me. Shaping boards for him is a bit of a cheat as I pretend the boards for me. Oli Adams and Angus Scotney are both over six feet tall and ride very different boards. I guess we all have a common goal: to improve our surfing and the boards we do it on.
Is Beng Beng actually your favourite wave in Indo?
Haha. On this trip absolutely. We had a couple of days when it was about head high and five of us in. We took turns hooting and calling each other in to waves. It’s a real mellow carve wave. E-Bay broke maybe twice but had a full crowd. The last thing I wanted to do was paddle for a wave at E-Bay and my shoulder give out sending me over the falls onto the reef. The other place we surfed a lot was Shitstops … sorry Pitstops. I hate that wave. Small take off zone, back wash and natural foots!
How’s travelling with a bus load of frothers like the Fourth team?
It was amazing. I knew most of he crew very well but a couple I hadn’t really spent time with. I’d met G-Man maybe twice and also Em William’s at the factory but that was it. I knew Tass from when she was about 14 at contests but again never really sat and chatted to her. So this was a chance to get to know the person rather than the surfer. The best thing about the trip was how relaxed everyone was. No egos. No hassling in the water and plenty of laughs.
After the trip how much do you want to cross the channel from the Ments to the mainland in any form of boat ever again?
OMG. On the way over if someone had said after an hour “shall we turn back to Padang?” I would have voted yes. I mean I worked on fishing boats when I was young for a couple of weeks but that ferry ride was insane. Once out of Padang in the open water the novelty wore off real quick. Soaked, sea sick and no end in sight … it was dire! Saying that once we hit camp at Matungou, had a coconut and a surf, it was all forgotten.
Do you ride different boards now you’re an elder statesman?
Back in the day in my contest peak I would have been surfing 5’10”-6’0” shortboards. Now my everyday board is 5’7”. I have a 5’5” for small waves and a 5’10” step up. Thanks to shaping programs I know the minimum amount of volume in a board I need to surf ok. Anything between 24-25 litres will do me. I won’t be looking at any 6’4” cruiser boards just yet. I need to nail air reverses first!
Do you pine for palm trees and warm water in the current British run of grey gunge?
As bad as the ferry to the camp was, I would do it again in a heart beat knowing how much fun the waves are in that part of the Mental islands! Can I just say thanks to everyone who made the trip happen. You made an old man very happy! Haha!
