A statue of Kelly Slater has been found on Mars increasing speculation that he is a space/time traveller NASA reported today. An unnamed official told Carve, “Yesterday our unmanned Mars Curiosity Rover found a statue of Kelly Slater on Mars. Obviously there has been some controversy surrounding his continuing dominance of pro surfing and the fact that his ageing process seems to be much slower than the normal homo sapiens.”
But this is not the most remarkable thing. On the statue itself there is an inscription bearing similar hieroglyphics to that of Mayan prophecies. These have been translated to mean: “Kelly Slater 21X world surfing champion. Suck eggs Mod Coll.” The latter a clear poke at the so called Generation Y school of surfing just coming to fore on earth in 2012.
NASA told us, “We have been monitoring the the development of the Kelly Slater Wave Company for quite some time. Our theory is he has building some sort of time travel machine. Either that or he is, like Bowie, a Starchild.”
Indeed Sumerian scripts do tell of a supreme being “Who rides on the white horses of death on a mysterious four wheeled chariot”. A clear reference to Slater’s performance at Fiji on his quad. Al Merrick’s famous logo has also been found in Egyptian pyramids, on large Mayan obelisks and in a telephone box in Newquay.
We contacted Kelly Slaters manager for comment. She said “F@ck off you dumbass, you are not having an interview no matter how many times you ask.”
So we tweeted Kelly.
Draw your own conclusion on that one.